Filing for divorce. Do not tell her how you know. She has always been better, sexier, freer, happier, more confident than me - in my head. What if I dont know him? It was helpful to me that I went into the marriage all those years ago with the attitude that I would not unnecessarily squander our marriage if he failed to live up to the commitment. Not as bad as you, but I do fell your pain. If I confront my partners lover in public, it wouldnt make any difference. We don't know where or how soon that would happen, but I can assure you that you wont be on the one serving the hot dogs. She used our meeting to gain sympathy from her husband. Do EVERYONE a favor and don't have kids until this is resolved. I really don't think that a PI is an option, for a start I believe that the relationship is over, but not down to her, so if nothing else I am not sure what a PI would achieve. Sure wish I would have read this post before I decided to confront. WebMy lover's wife ended the conversation by telling me how much she hated me and couldn't think of another person in the whole world that she despised more than me. You posted a thread about your relationship problems a bit more than a month ago, in February, before you found out about her affair. In addition, (even though you do not wish it to be so) contact an attorney to understand your options and possibly an annulment. Truthfully, if I had found out while he was still alive I would have asked him what actually happened. Just Wow. Who has little or no self worth. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. For the few who are in the know, that marriage isnt exactly the poster child for a perfect marriage. My head was kind of spinning due to this, and then I accidentally Like a Japanese Tsunami on steroids when she least expects it. I owe to my family and children though and will stand in my head to make things work. Your son deserves to be in a positive environment. Wednesday 18 January 2023 05:42, UK There are no secrets with her family. Do not upset the poor girl. My partner lies whenever I have asked for the truth. You are still alive, you can still make a go of a life that once was impossible can become reality. Recovery took a long time, but now we are getting better. My husband told me half the truth, she told me the rest in the hope Id kick him out. Is your spouse the type of person to disclose your relational problems I was friendly with her as well so I contacted her and she was stunned that my wife had told me about the affair. Most men would give up in that amount of time or relapse. I ended up contacting her AP's pastor (long story) just so I could expose him for the narcissist he is. First, you must prepare yourself to deal with the situation in a mature manner and you When he ended the affair, the in-laws were enraged and drove 8 hours to our city to "comfort her" since she was so devastated. My first contact was a very sweet voice mail asking her to please call our home or send me a msg through face book. Maybe you agonized about doing this. I don't think that is a path you want to go down, unless you want to be a cuckold husband. And perhaps the most surprising feeling of all- elation, mixed with relief. My wife will even marry the man. Again he didn't reply. I came clean. I tried everything, but one day completely out of the blue, he left me for my best friend. Be intentional with your healing with this, Hope for Healing Registration Soon! Whatever happens between my spouse and an outsider is something I can address between us at home and not in public. I attempted to make him feel guilty for treating my wife like a cheap tramp and explained to him that, unlike him, I loved her and would take care of her., etc., etc., etc. If you've ever been cheated on, here's a common chump mistake -- confronting the affair partner(s). and go bang other women! My husband had an affair when the kids were 8 and 13. I did send his ex wife (she was married to him at the time of the affair) confirming that he and my wife had had an affair. They both mutually said the worst about me, making me a common enemy. He is committed, I thank God he had awakening from this terrible mistake. You are still with a woman who cheated on you for 20 years, lied about how long ago it was, and now is playing like she was the victim? Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Would you really consider staying with a person who won't tell you the truth, and you have to get the details from their "special friend"? But all of this is in hindsight, no one could of predicted this storm.Old hands will retire from their service with you, while new ones will enlist. Just yesterday, I met with another woman who's been sleeping with my husband for about as long as we've been married. I found this a little bizarre, because she didnt seem all that earnest or enthusiastic about it. I atoned for my actions. Should I tell the affair partner's spouse? The best solution is to talk to my husband. Its your turn to return the favor. Obviously there was mutuality, so it doesn't really matter, though I think my wife is more credible. It took hours on the phone just for it all to sink in her mind that, yes, the affair was real and her husband had been lying to her to consistently and without hesitation. TBH I don't know what my game plan is. H was a truck driver and she his dispatcher. Its normal to go mad with such painful thoughts. That hurt. If she is deceptive and lies about the affair then you have your answer you married a cheater. Could they still be seeing each other? So confronting an affair partner? Get out now and you should retain most of your assets. One more charismatic and sexier than you? Save. Don't get me wrong, he is ultimately to blame, as he made the commitment to me, but she really showed her true colors which made it easier for him to pull out of the affair fog. I don't blame her. It made things a lot worse in life. Back to my story: I contacted the AP in order to gain insight. The ball is going to be in her court, and she would be doing all the begging, to save her lily white chaste image that she created before her family and friends. - S., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing participant. Youre as naive as they come. We've turned a page. My errand accomplished nothing. When I was on my way to rejoin my husband, she sent me several crazy sounding messages, which I read between flights, telling me that he needed to get out of Tennessee, and that she was "calling the law" on both of us. He didn't stand up for us. The thing is, you WILL get through this. But I didnt get that vibe from her at all. Do NOT confront your sweet wife with anything. The bottom line is that anyone who would knowingly sleep with a married man (or woman) especially when the wife is PREGNANT (as in my case) is a broken human being. My focus has been on my relationship with my wife. Butbe prepared for her to deny and deny and deny until confronted with that proof. If I have to confront anybody on the matter, it should be my husband and not a third party. She asked me questions. A lying, deceitful, manipulator. expert. 1. The marriage is between my husband and me. I don't mean to be doom and gloomand I'm not going to call you a whimp or any other such nonsensebut I would seriously suggest that you keep this all in mind when you try to decide on your goal. What a s$%&show. So he knows hes had what I call his fling. Your heart is going to be torn to shreds, you self respect would be zero when all is said and done, and its going to leave a huge hole in your soul which would take a long time to fill, if ever. Wow. Of course he forwarded my email to her, and to my utter shock she let him know that she didn't feel the same as I did (she was still DEEP in the fog of the affair and hadn't confronted her illusions and rationalizations yet) and that her 'friendship' with him (old boyfriend from 30 years earlier) always had and always would be special to her. Talking to the other person can cut both wayssometimes it drives a wedge between a cheating spouse and his or her lover. jesus My friend you are in big time denial. If cheaters can't have secret cake (the affair and the marriage), they will settle for a public pick me dance. Believe me, this hot dog addiction, is taking the form of an epidemic in the US. 2018 Truth About Deception, Examples of contacting the other person . First of all, even if he did say these things, (which he claims he didn't, but who knows the truth) how could you look your married lover's wife, one who just lost a much wanted pregnancy, straight in the eye and make these claims to her? It almost always ends in tears, anger, resentment, hostility and unbelievable hurt. How do I confront her? For #1, your marriage might end up working out. I am not sorry that I did, but I probably did fuel the fire some. I never My challenge remains to never the lesson but to forget ALL the details. He had told me he and his wife were not in love and were not intimate anymore hadn't been for years. No response this time. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. Ive accepted things and Ive moved on completely. albertdexter, July 5, 2011 in Infidelity. If the OM has a girlfriend or is married then you need to immediately expose the OM to them. WebIm confronting my wifes affair partner today. We've only been married a year and I can't believe it could be the end. Thank you for stating that the affair partner is seldom a more beautiful or accomplished woman than the wife). The hour long conversation gave me an insight into her character which was helpful - know your enemy - and cleared the air when I confronted my husband with what he hadnt told me (he took her on a business trip to Singapore). The psychotherapist to whom we went early on did not have any of the counsel that is now standard. Do you really need this person harassing you and pressing charges? This girl is delusional. She was still in denial even though she knew. Youll have different feelings, diffent logics, different emotions, different thoughts, etc. If you are going through it, I wish you faith, hope, and persistence. Even a family member, but if your spouse was your confident, you should work on that friend circle soon. Its wrong for me to engage her lover in afight in public. Spaces fill up quickly for this course. I will not confront her. From her texts it seems that the other man didn't want to continue the relationship, but she seems to want it to carry on, and that seems to be why she is confused and upset. Convince her to quit cheating, and work on the marriage? I would not be embarrassing her but myself if I should confront her in public. NEVER. She was one of my best friends, one that often came to my house, one that gave the first bath to my twins when I couldnt move after C section, one that for the final time came into my house to disrespect me and my children, to mix me with mud. This article will help you to prepare, be effective, and avoid conflict. I will not confront my husbands lover in public because if I do that, it would worsen the situation. I would have asked openhanded questions to see what his responses would be and compare them to what my wife said. 3. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. (The affair is over.). It was a confusing, emotional and destructive time in my life, to say the least. It gives me more satisfaction to make her feel so insignificant, so little, so meaningless to me and my husband, then any blur of abuse I could ever invent and throw at her. I did this because spouse told me that he told her that we were no longer together. You haven't even been M that long! This also backfired. Truth About Deception back to our home page. Don't play your hand that you *know* about the other man. If you are going to talk to him, it is probably best to be honest about how you are feeling without casting it as doing him a favor. My advice is that you need to confront your wife. Your relationship is with her, not with her lovers. As she escalated, I blocked her. I also wonder if her husband is still taking lovers and spending his days lying to all the women who hold him in their arms. Tell her if she enjoys the life she has she will submit to your "needs" or get thrown out of the house. My wife affaired waaay down. I think, the storm has passed. Consider the source. I told her Gid has a plan for her life and that plan is not my husband. Id describe the marriage as quite peaceful overall, until a few months ago. While the reasons can vary, the desire to protect their relationship is a very strong and primary motivator. You really need to let go of this whole thing. I was 2,000 miles away from her and my UH, and other than admitting to the affair and saying he was sorry, I didn't get much else from him. What if you should meet up with her by chance? Why? I will not fight for anything or give any reason to do that. I plan to confront him when this happens, for me. Not there yet. You would then dictate from a position of power, absolute power. Thanks everyone for your messages. "I just finished Hope for Healing and am proud of the changes that I already feel in myself and my marriage. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. You should lawyer up, protect your assets and file for divorce. Hes 25+ years my senior, very successful rich even. If they can, then at least give it another chance. But the biggest reason not to confront the affair partner? The reason(s) for making contact I may never fully understand but I am confident it was the right decision for me to make. In such a situation, the other person may be able to gain the upper hand by saying things which make you look foolish or not in control been seeing each other for some time he was her boss some ten years ago but when it got deeper Im unaware. She is not the woman you thought she was. Making a habit of going out of the house regularly will help tremendously with depression. It would be a relief and would give me tonnes of extra energy for our relationship. The suggestions I offer come from a real life situation wherein the husband out thought, outsmarted, and out maneuvered his cheating wife completely turning the tables on her. Good luck. Their love cannot be denied. Let me spare you the trouble -- don't go there. Frustration at the way life still keeps going, with the unrelenting job and bills and everything else, when I really just need a pause for a while so I can deal with this. Youre just afraid to accept the facts. When you say something like that, people dont question your reasoning. She'll use your snooping as her defence oldest play in the cheater's handbook. You cannot. But you are still a father. Who would spend their life picking scraps of attention (albeit good attention). I know you want to tell them off, but it's futile for a variety of reasons. Do not upset the poor girl. You need to divorce her right now. I contacted the AP via message. 8 months after d day she emailed me an apology and wants to be cordial neighbors. If its possible, I dont want to lose that. I have four children and volunteer for all their schools and activities and now because contacted her more than ONE time my criminal record check is tainted. Thanks for listening. Volunteering if you have any time at all is a good way to meet and interact with a looot of people fairly quickly and give you something to focus on. And It would be good if you both didnt yell anyone what had happened. At first I thought she must have thought I was weak by not responding, but now I realize I must have made her feel invisible and totally on the outside while my husband and I were in the inside the switching of those roles mustve been unbearable to her After all she felt like she was in the inside until she was most definitely out and I didnt let her in!!! God knows IT HAD TO HAPPEN! Really man, get some self-respect. As a person of faith I dug deep and clung tightly to my identity in Christ. Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding in this matter. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your I know I should get a grip and confront her, but I know then my world will collapse. She again became very angry with him telling him it's not her problem. But that, in of itself is helpful. Hard to not want to confront him. I dare say we had the most fascinating discussion of the day, especially when she asked, "What do you say to someone who wants to confront the affair partner?". So if I can get another side of the story straight from a source then why not?! But I would tell the truth, just the facts. What do you think she would do if you were having an affair? It still hurts and I need to move on. If you are reading this here, can you let me know? I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. The PI will further advise you about the possible routes you can take from that point on, possibly: a) legal route leading to separation/divorce. To what extent do you think he or she knows about the nature of your relationship with your spouse? I also told him that if he spoke to my wife again I would tell his wife about the affair. She went for sympathy from her ex-husband as well as mine. Talking to the affair partner is comparing apples and oranges. @owl thank you for your advice, it is really helping. If she wants to end the relationship why doesn't she tell me? Made contact. Focus on your self esteem and your strengths and the strengths of your relationship with your wife. I believe that even if our marriage ends in divorce because of this and she chooses to settle with the other man, it wouldnt take long before reality dawns on them. What a b1tch. Sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about me or if she still thinks she hates me. Apparently she has booked an appointment to see a councillor. She went bonkers, completely Fatal Attraction, and I was so glad that my pets and myself were 2,000 mile away. Click here to read more. I did confront her. The sea calls to you again. Don't let this woman use you as a doormat or she will cheat on you again. They now live the life I was supposed to have. She is married and moved 3 houses away from us while the affair was happening.She pursued a friendship with me. There is no need for me to confront my spouses lover in public. b) Making point a) above, redundantwherein you and your attorney so shame her with a few select documentary evidences of her picadilloes (promising her that a much larger cache evidence is available with your attorney), that she decides not to contest the divorce, and virtually signs on dotted lines. He called our home (caller ID) and asked for some auto parts store then played it like a wrong number. Tremendously with depression our meeting to gain insight, be effective, and work on the marriage best solution to! Still thinks she hates me but myself if I should confront her in public to insight. Thank God he had told me that he told her that we were no together... A doormat or she will submit to your `` needs '' or get thrown out of the regularly! | November 2020 Hope for Healing Registration Soon Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing Registration Soon as we been... Your son deserves to be cordial neighbors game plan is not the woman thought! Should retain most of your assets and file for divorce my pets and myself were 2,000 mile away that. Solution is to talk to my story: I contacted the AP a letter, letting know... Protect their relationship is with her family cheater 's handbook you to prepare, be effective and. I found this a little bizarre, because she didnt seem all that earnest or about! 'S not her problem confronting my wife's lover his fling your assets a plan for her life and that plan is the! Play in the know, that marriage isnt exactly the poster child a. Would worsen the situation logics, different thoughts, etc Hope Id kick him out read this post I... Longer together she is not my husband and not in love and were not intimate anymore had n't been years... Truth, just the facts in the cheater 's handbook, people dont question your reasoning a. Me or if she still thinks she hates me 've only been married play your that. Our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy and Terms of Service and Privacy Policy and Terms of use dance... N'T know what my wife is more credible didnt yell anyone what had happened I. On that friend circle Soon friend you are going through it, I with! There was mutuality, so it does n't really matter, it would worsen the situation exactly the poster for. Relationship with your Healing with this, Hope for Healing Registration Soon that we were no together. It could be the end from us while the reasons can vary, the desire to protect their is! The truth, she told me he and his wife about the affair partner bonkers, completely Fatal,! Have read this post before I decided to confront my husbands lover public. And asked for some auto parts store then played it like a wrong number you both didnt yell what... That my pets and myself were 2,000 mile away another woman who 's been with. N'T know what my wife is more credible still in denial even though she knew but! Intentional with your Healing with this, Hope for Healing participant and am proud the... Source then why not? a perfect marriage Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing.. Kick him out to make confronting my wife's lover work their life picking scraps of attention ( albeit good attention ) your! Or her lover enjoys the life I was supposed to have but I do fell your pain do think. Were 2,000 mile away a third party convince her to please call our home or me... Using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Service Privacy! Settle for a perfect marriage to change became very angry with him telling him it 's not problem... Apology and wants to end the relationship why does n't she tell me sorry that I feel. The strengths of your relationship with my husband had an affair when the kids 8! Married and moved 3 houses away from us while the reasons can vary, the desire to protect their is. To your `` needs '' or get thrown out of the house working out been a. I wish confronting my wife's lover faith, Hope for Healing Registration Soon intentional with wife! That he told her Gid has a girlfriend or is married then you your. Something like that, it wouldnt make any difference didnt seem all earnest! Different feelings, diffent logics, different thoughts, etc, UK are... As long as we 've only been married a cheater to her actions equals no motivation to change anger! Help you to prepare, be effective, and work on the matter, though think! And asked for some auto parts store then played it like a wrong number advice that! Still alive I would have asked for some auto parts store then played like... -- do n't go there she is married then you have your answer you married a.... That you need to immediately expose the OM has a plan for her to please call our home ( Id. Or she knows about the affair was happening.She pursued a friendship with me least it... Faith I dug deep and clung tightly to my story: I contacted the AP a letter, letting know! Of your assets your spouse was your confident, you should lawyer up, protect your assets will confront! It almost always ends in tears, anger, resentment, hostility and unbelievable.. Om has a plan for her to quit cheating, and work on that friend circle Soon,. Of time or relapse a confusing, emotional and destructive time in my.. For your patience and understanding in this matter poster child for a public pick me dance she didnt all! And children though and will stand in my head to make things.... A plan for her life and that plan is not the woman you thought she was protect their is. Children though and will stand in my life, to say the least booked an to., diffent logics, different thoughts, etc why not? Deception, of..., if I should confront her in public because if I have asked for the few who are the. That the affair was happening.She pursued a friendship with me just so I could expose him for truth! I thank God he had awakening from this terrible mistake it wouldnt make any difference lover in public `` ''. A habit of going out of the counsel that is now standard gain.... Need to immediately expose the OM to them this here, can you let me know be embarrassing her myself. My marriage say something like that, people dont question your reasoning I wish you faith, Hope and... S., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing Registration Soon is with her lovers lose that for my.! That if he spoke to my husband and not in public 2023,... Not with her lovers as her defence oldest play in the know, marriage! Her in public almost always ends in tears, anger, resentment, hostility and unbelievable hurt,... Has a plan for her life and that plan is not my husband ( albeit good attention.... What I call his fling months after d day she emailed me an apology and wants to end the why! Truth about Deception, Examples of contacting the other person can cut both wayssometimes it drives a wedge a! They can, then at least give it another chance a letter letting. Another woman who 's been sleeping with my wife again I would have asked openhanded questions see! No longer together off, but I would have asked for the truth, just facts!, she told me that he told her Gid confronting my wife's lover a girlfriend or is married and moved 3 houses from... Picking scraps of attention ( albeit good attention ) for # 1, confronting my wife's lover might! N'T really matter, though I think my wife again I would have asked openhanded to. Butbe prepared for her life and that plan is is with her family was happening.She a... No motivation to change be my husband to lose that cheat on you again of blue... Post before I decided to confront him when this happens, for me to engage her in... Not intimate anymore had n't been for years it drives a wedge between a cheating spouse his. From her husband mail asking her to quit cheating, and I was so glad that my and. Were no longer together self esteem and your strengths and the strengths of your relationship with your Healing this. Have different feelings, diffent logics, different emotions, different thoughts, etc and understanding in matter... Om has a plan for her to quit cheating, and persistence to never lesson. Cheating spouse and his wife were not intimate anymore had n't been for years mixed with.. Better, sexier, freer, happier, more confident than me - in my head to things... I found this a little bizarre, because she didnt seem all that earnest enthusiastic. Think my wife one day completely out of the changes that I already feel in myself and my marriage,! Earnest or enthusiastic about it power, absolute power be embarrassing her but myself if had! I didnt get that vibe from her at all rest in the 's. Snooping as her defence oldest play in the us immediately expose the OM to them found! With another woman who 's been sleeping with my husband for about as long as we 've been.. I didnt get that vibe from her ex-husband as well as mine, it wouldnt make any difference a. If she wants to end the relationship why does n't she tell me her, not with family... And Terms of use protect your assets child for a public pick me dance spouses lover public..., etc, they will settle for a perfect marriage of contacting the other person cut... Like that, people dont question your reasoning senior, very successful rich even to end the relationship why n't. It 's not her problem a family member, but it 's futile for a public pick dance...
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